Is this Blog Going Down the Pan?

Apparently Wednesday 19th Nov is World Toilet Day, a day one hopes is flushed with success. If you want to find out more then go to the website of the World Toilet Organisation

You think I am making this up don't you but you are wrong wrong wrong. It is just that my blog is prepared to plumb the depths that other blogs simply do not reach. I hope someone will contact a certain Professor not a million miles from here to make sure he has this on his database of NGOs.

Brotherhood

I realise I am guilty of not making any comment on the momentous, remarkable events of the last week. But with so many people apparently uplifted and inspired by events in the USA, not least it appears, higher powers in our very own place of work, it really would be churlish not to join in. So here is a moving message (from 1965)from the great 1960s American Poet and philosopher Tom Lehrer which I think puts into perspective what it all means

A picture

OK just to show I have done some work here is a picture of a mule spinning machine which I used in a lecture last week while pretending to be LDS (no don't ask). 

New Career Path?:

If anyone is thinking of a new career path I was looking at one of the options put up within a certain University not a million miles from here:

MBA Global Banking and Finance

The programme description includes the following:

"This MBA programme has been specifically designed for graduates who aspire to develop careers in global banking and finance. The programme aims to improve management and technical skills by focusing on key areas such as international banking, banking and finance regulation and supervision, risk and asset and liability management, strategic management of financial institutions, financial markets, and private equity and venture capital finance"

If you are not tempted already it goes on:

"Many of our graduates are working at senior positions in banks and financial institutions, and in the investment industry worldwide"

What a great sales pitch!

Plagiarism Blond Tina and balls

what a strage and confusing week:

• One of my students left a laptop open and his 10 year old brother decided to try the on-line plagiarism test set up on WEB CT. Younger brother duly achieved a higher score than 3 first year students doing my Res Seminar
• Meanwhile I feel an identity crisis coming on. Another  student had problems distinguishing between me giving lectures on the industrial revolution and a  blond  lady  called Tina giving what I am sure were excellent lectures on social theory. She went to the wrong venue for 3 weeks. 
• DILEMMA: Should I turn up to this week's lecture in a frock and blond wig to lessen the student's embarrassment? Let's face it is an easy mistake to make
• But enough of this frivolity. I thought it was time to start taking this exercise more seriously and keen to avoid tabloid tittle tattle and trash I turn to the the Daily Telegraph,  to get a true sense of the key issues of the day. It  is nice to see one newspaper that still has values. Rather than wasting space on the US Presidential election or the World Finanical collapse it focuses in on the really important issue of the day: 
  
  "Man's testicles swelled up like footballs after vasectomy".
  
  In the unlikely event you missed this key piece of world news you can find more at:
• http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/politics/health/3274791/Mans-testicles-swelled-up-like-footballs-agter-vasectomy.html
  

Oh well, that is another lifestyle choice to put on the backburner

How to be academic adminstrator

This week how to conduct a plagiarism interview: The subject in this case is Mr Noel Gallagher, musician with the popular beat combo Oasis.

Plagiarism Interview Meeting on 24 June 2009 (In Association with our Sponsors, the Ministry of Defence)

Venue: Room 101, Trident Tower (formerly Lehman Bros House)

Present:
Dr J. Spac (Lecturer in Chaos Theory and Practice), Chair
Dr Margaret Smug (Lecturer in World Domination and Bedsit Studies)
Dr Elaine Fulsome (Lecturer in anything that makes me popular)
Dr J. Bogger, U PONCE (University Policy Officer for Navel Contemplation & Evaluation) (formerly Head of Department)
Mr Noel Gallagher, Student and part time Musician (BA Music and Vandalism)


The Chair welcomed all those present and explained the purpose of the meeting

CHAIR: Mr Gallagher, you realise why you are here?

NOEL G: Yeah right.

CHAIR: I, as chair of the meeting, am here to bring an, er… OASIS of calm to the proceedings, if you get my meaning.

ALL: Groan.

NOEL G: F*!¬ Off.

CHAIR: Quite. Now let us get down to business. You are under investigation for possible plagiarism. As you realise this is a very serious offence and if found guilty you could face a range of penalties, including a severe tongue lashing from Dr Smug; a fine of up to 10p (repayable interest-free over 5 years); and even a suspension from your studies for up to one day, most likely a Saturday or a Sunday.

NOEL G: Yeah right.

CHAIR: The essence the charge is that your previous output is not entirely original work. Evidence has been found with the help of TURNITIN plagiarism detection software of extensive copying from two earlier scholars, Messieurs Lennon and McCartney, who apparently published extensively back in the 1960s, particularly in the Liverpool area. Do you understand the charge?

NOEL G: Yeah right.

CHAIR: Unfortunately it has not been possible to speak to or communicate directly with these writers, on account of one of them being physically dead and the other being musically dead. Nevertheless, we have managed to obtain a considerable of amount of information on their output. This has involved much searching around and I would particularly like to thank Dr Fulsome in this regard.

DR FULSOME: Awh Shucks it was nothing.

CHAIR: Dr Fulsome has managed to establish that some of the works produced by these gentleman are still available both in a few specialist emporiums, such as Boots, WH Smith, HMV, Woolworths (continues for several minutes naming every other high street retail outlet) and on the odd 25 million or so web sites. Therefore the Committee concludes that on the balance of probability it is possible you could have had access to this material.

NOEL G: Yeah right.

CHAIR: That does not, of course, mean that you have used any of the material improperly and that is what we must now investigate carefully. To do this we must rigorously follow the University Code of Practice. When we sent you the interview letter we drew particular attention to Sections 4.3.2.7.a; Section 6.4.7.3 (2), Appendix I; Section 5.7.3.8 (subsection 4) continues in same vein for several minutes

DR BOGGER: Oh God! Wake me up when he’s finished.

CHAIR: Dr Bogger, please try and concentrate

DR BOGGER: zzzzz

CHAIR: Subsection, 8.4.9.2; Section 3.7.4.8(3)……….

DR BOGGER: Sod it I’m off to the bar.

(Dr Bogger adjourned from the hearing at this point to attend an urgent meeting in Staff House)

CHAIR: Section 4.3.2.1; Section Clickity-click 66 (subsection 4) continues in same vein for several hours……….and finally section 9.11.

CHAIR: Unfortunately, however, since sending Mr Gallagher the investigation letter a week ago, the University has again revised the Code of Practice on Plagiarism…well actually it’s revised it twice, to version 493 - in the light of the recent court case. We are therefore obliged to follow the provisions of the new code. Before I identify which sections we need to refer to, it would be useful to have the relevant document to hand. The code now runs to a mere 250,000 pages but with the assistance of this hydraulic crane I should be able to get it up on the desk. Now if I just manoeuvre it up carefully…

DR FULSOME: Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

CHAIR: Whoops, sorry. I did wonder if the cable would be strong enough.

DR FULSOME: Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

(At this point a team of emergency paramedics entered the room to help Dr Fulsome away. It was later reported that she would make a full recovery)

CHAIR: Well never mind, we are still quorate and that’s the main thing.

Dr SMUG: We certainly are!

CHAIR: We therefore turn to the substance of the case against you Mr Gallagher as revealed by our investigation. With the help of the plagiarism detection software we ascertained that many of the notes in the works of those Liverpool composers – what were their names again – Lemon and Macarthy – bore an uncanny resemblance to the notes in your own work. What do you have to say to that?

NOEL G: Well of course some of the f*!@ing notes are the same. How many bl#*@ing notes do you think there are out there! We can’t all use different ones. A, B, C, D, E, F, G – Not a bloody big choice is it!

CHAIR: But a lot of people think the tunes on your records sound very much like theirs as well?

NOEL G: Well all our f*!~+in records sound the same but the mugs still buy them

CHAIR: True. I believe we now have to call a witness?

(At this point the widow of Mr J. Lennon joined the proceedings)

ALL: O No!

CHAIR: Please that is a very old Yok(e). Can we get back to the business in hand?

MRS LENNON: Harro…I have a message from John. He still loves you; he misses you and thinks about you. John expresses his love through love poem, which I have composed on his behalf. It is free expression poem, with 367 verses, it goes…….

CHAIR (interrupts): Er…yes thanks but we are in a bit of hurry anything else

MRS LENNON: Aaah, Ya……Letter from lawyer suing Mr Gallagher for £300 million for copyright infringement. Happy Karma.

NOEL G: F*#K Off.

Dr SMUG (for it is she): Never mind about all that. What I want to know is why Mr Gallagher hasn’t given me access to all of his courses on WEB CT. And don’t say you forgot! You know I am the WEB CT co-ordinator. This should be your top priority! If I don’t get access straight away I’ve a good mind to….

NOEL G: F!*@ Off .

CHAIR: Well said Noel….Oops!

Dr SMUG: How dare you! You’re just trying to make me feel small! Well it is not going to work!

(At this point Dr Smug pulled out a machine gun and terminated the proceedings, as well as everyone else present. The Meeting concluded…..At a subsequent meeting of the University Misconduct Committee Dr Smug was let off with a warning and promoted to Senior Lecturer for services to music)

THE END

Homework

Oh dear

Guess who hasn't done his homeworlk. I have done a bit.

1.Google docs looks quite useful as a better way of sharing stuff with students including presentations - I did manage to uploada document

2. Sites. Only had time to look at couple

An offensive one (particularly about Guardian readers like me):
http://bastardoldholborn.blogspot.com/

Ina’s Blog. It had a very profound and moving post on the importance of the semicolon. I think it is importance of trivia and superficiality that we do not lose sight of the really important things in life
http://www.tiedyeina.com/2008/09/semicolon.html

I then somehow ended up on a site about Brittany Spears. But this has given me a really good idea for next week. Imagine she and Noel Gallacher were students here. How would they be dealt under our new college procedures for:
Plagiarism
Mitigations
Student Conduct

Watch this space!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!